Pornhub Says “Au Revoir” to France Over Age Verification Laws

France asked for ID, Pornhub said “non merci!”

If you tried logging into Pornhub in France last week for a game of tag with yourself, you were met with a painting instead of porn… welcome to the weirdest revolution since Napoleon decided that triangular hats should be à la mode.

Indeed, Pornhub decided to slap Eugène Delacroix’s “Liberty Leading the People” on its homepage and bounced, leaving France high, dry, and very much unsatisfied. The famous painting was accompanied by the message, “La liberté n’a pas de bouton off” (“Freedom doesn’t have an off button”). This bold statement marked Pornhub’s protest against France’s new age verification laws, leading to the suspension of its services in the country; cue to a fermata.

Mic drop. No moan soundtrack necessary.

France Wants Proof You’re Legal. Pornhub Isn’t Feeling It.

So here’s the tea. The French government recently tightened its corset with a new law: if you want to watch porn, you have to prove you’re over 18. And not just with a cute checkbox or a “yeah, totally” click. We’re talking real ID and credit cards. Personal data of the very precious kind (and might we say “profitable”?)

The law is designed to protect minors, over 2 million of whom apparently access “naughty” adult sites monthly in France. That’s a lot of kids pretending to research history. Since it’s clearly not a curriculum that the French Education Ministry approves of, and concerned that this phenomenon is turning puberty into a browser-based trauma spiral, the French government decided to take action. 

Enter Aylo, the parent company of Pornhub, who took one look at the new rules and said, “Pas aujourd’hui, Satan.” They argue the policy is “disproportionate, irresponsible, and ineffective.” 

Instead, they want tech overlords like Apple and Google to handle age verification at the device level, which is indeed possible. Big ask, but okay, thought-provoking.

Politicians Say It’s About the Children. 

Clara Chappaz, the French Minister Delegate for Artificial Intelligence and Digital Technologies, emphasized the importance of protecting minors, stating that adults’ freedom to consume pornography should not come at the expense of children’s safety. She dismissed Aylo’s concerns, asserting that the law ensures privacy through a “double-blind” system, where third-party services verify age without disclosing personal information to the websites.

So apparently the porn sites won’t know your name; somebody will, but not the the porn sites.

Still, the vibe is off. Pornhub is being told to hire airtight bouncer at their sex club, some guy named Eugene, who hasn’t blinked since 2022 and who stares into your soul, asking for three forms of ID, and says “proceed” like he’s guarding the Vatican’s porn stash. 

Let’s call it what it is: a digital chastity belt. And it looks like Pornhub doesn’t want to hold the keys.

Europe’s Favorite Naughty Corner Just Went Dark

France isn’t alone in this moral tug-of-war. Similar age verification laws in 19 U.S. states have also led the platform to restrict access in those regions. The UK’s already making people do awkward hand gestures for access (no, not like that). Heck, even the European Commission is investigating major adult sites for compliance with child protection regulations. 

As governments worldwide grapple with the challenge of shielding minors from explicit content, the tension between regulation and privacy continues to escalate.

So now France joins the “Pornhub-less” club, “forcing” Pornhub to run faster than a teenager caught with incognito mode open at family dinner.

So France said, “Show ID,” and Pornhub pulled a disappearing act Houdini would call excessive, like a teen whose mom just said, “Hand me your phone.”

VPNs, Loopholes, and Le Backdoor

French users haven’t taken the blackout pillow biting down. VPN providers have reported a significant uptick in sign-ups, as some people seek to bypass the restrictions. 

This raises a giant, throbbing question: Are these laws actually working? Or are they just forcing users onto sketchier sites and underground forums where nobody checks anything except their willingness to risk malware for an up and down?

Porn Wars

So, is this about kids? No doubt. Is it about privacy? Definitely. But is this about governments freaking out on how much power porn platforms have? Bingo also.

For is part, Pornhub’s protest is maybe less about horny teenagers and more about a digital power struggle and… you know, the money. 

But the question remains: Who gets to set the rules online? 

What if all this was less about safety and more about optics? The government gets to say, “We protected the children,” while adult sites lose traffic and users get surveilled. 

This isn’t just Pornhub vs France. It’s the trailer for the next digital dystopia. Where Big Tech runs the saloon, governments play sheriff, and freedom’s busy squeezing its way through the back door, while humanity’s just trying to get off, half-drunk, and AI is just waiting for its chance to rule it all. 

Call it censorship, safety, policy, but make no mistake: we’re front row for the early rounds of a war for the soul of the internet. And it’s gonna get weird. Still probably sexy. But mostly weird.